TWAS THE MORN AFTER THANKSGIVING

Twas the morn after Thanksgiving
and all through the house
not a child was stirring.
Not even my spouse.

I sat at the counter
and scanned through the ads
Hmmm. Did I dare?
Or was I raving mad?

I poured me some coffee
then wrote a quick list
the sales were too good--
I just couldn't resist!

I turned out the light
and slipped out the door
if I hurried, I'd make it
to Penneys by four.

When I got there, the lot
was already packed.
I was faced with the truth...
I really was quacked.

The people were pressed
at the entrance like rats
they pushed and they shoved,
grown-up-fourth-grade-brats.

There was nowhere to park
except miles away.
What on earth possessed me
to come shopping today?

Inside, no one greeted me
or gave me a smile,
clothes were strewn over
every visible aisle.

Employees were wide-eyed
and red-faced with stress
while shoppers grabbed items
like mad-men, obsessed.

I got stepped on and poked
as I pushed my way through
if I stayed in this lunacy
I'd leave black-and-blue!

I searched for the items
marked down on my list
NOT ONE was available?
I began to get pis--

But wait! One latte maker
sat alone on display.
YES! Maybe it would
be my lucky day!

I lunged and reached forward
took it right off the stand
and then someone snatched it
right out of my hand.

"OW!" A sharp elbow
jabbed the side of my head.
That's it! I turned on my heel
and I fled.

Well, as fast as I could
through that lunatic throng
I fought tears and pressed on.
I had to stay strong.

One hour later,
I burst through the doors
with nothing to show for my efforts
but sores.

As I slowly limped back through the lot
to my van,
I came up with another,
much safer, plan.

Back home, my family
still snoozed in their beds,
while visions of elbows
still danced through my head.

After popping some asprin,
I sat down in my chair
and fired up the computer
to do my shopping from there.

The morn after Thanksgiving
was supposed to be fun
but instead it turned out
to be a dangerous one.

So what about you?
Did you dare to go out?
Or did you opt for computer,
the much SAFER route?